![]() But a blindspot a Four may bring is moodiness, a never-ending discontent, or a flighty wanderlust. As a spouse, they bring the gift of being unique and interesting to the marriage.Their one-of-a-kind imagination is always finding new ways to explore the world. They’re motivated by the need to be authentically themselves. Remember that relationships take being together, not just doing things together.įours reflect the creativity and depth of God. When you find yourself here, take some time to simply be one another. But a blindspot for Threes can be getting lost in the tasks and the work, forgetting the emotional connection of the relationship. As a spouse, Threes provide inspiration and imagination in the relationship. They get stuff done and make things happen. ![]() They’re driven by the need to feel valuable. Threes exhibit the confident productivity of God. When you find yourself keeping score, own it. ![]() But a blindspot can be keeping score in the relationship, needing every little sacrifice to be validated. As a spouse, they bring genuine emotional connection to the marriage. Their empathy for their partner knows no bounds. They’re driven to the need to feel they are loved. Twos reflect the love and nurture of God. When this happens, it’s helpful for both parties to remember that inner critics are liars. But a blindspot they may also bring is an “inner critic” that may leak out and start judging the spouse as well. As a spouse, the gift they bring in marriage is a deep commitment to principles and standards. They bring a strong moral compass to the relationship. They’ve motivated by a need to be good and have integrity. Ones reflect the goodness and rightness of God. Here are ways that each type brings gifts and exhibits blindspots into marriage. All communication breakdown is two-way, so it’s crucial that we learn to name the ways we’re culpable in the mess.Īnd then what do you do when you discover two false selves fell in love with each other, you added a couple kids to the mix, and then you finally start waking up to all this? Each of the types has unique “self-destruct” buttons that the false self can’t help but press and press and press again. My belonging with these people requires me to do the hard work of bringing my authentic self forward and reject the charade that is my false self. The Enneagram provides nine different ways of unmasking your false self and making marriage better.Īnytime we experience a breakdown in a relationship, conflict with your spouse, the Enneagram can help us identify the ways that we’re complicit in the breakdown. ![]() My family is the first place where I look for belonging. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are it requires you to be who you are.” In Braving the Wilderness, Brene Brown writes, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. But as you go down the road some distance on this journey of marriage, the Enneagram proves useful for unpacking some of the baggage you’ve brought with you. One thing I always hope to communicate to the bride and groom is you have no idea what you’re getting into when you stand at the altar and say those vows. I’ve had the great privilege to officiate quite a few weddings. If we want healthy, peaceful, thriving marriages, we need to be bringing our authentic selves forward. And marriage, in particular, is a crucial arena where doing this messy work is essential. As Thomas Merton puts it in New Seeds of Contemplation, “Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self.” When it comes to shining the light on your false self, the Enneagram is a great tool for pulling it out of the shadows. ![]()
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